I think we have this idea of what love is.
Is it kindness?
It it understanding?
it it passion?
Is it undefined?
Do we need definitions?
Do we need more words to feel we’re undeserving?
Or reassuring, prideful, scare of admitting… this ego we harbor is… impermanent.
For me… the crux is expectation. The idea that what we lack is what we seek. The white knight will appear and believe we warrant more. A false perception, reliant on a knight, that is white, that has only sought whores. Or not, I’m sure they’re cool people. (Rhymes be sick tho… I’m trying okay?!)
They’ll compliment my shortcomings. They’ll be there when the house of cards fall, and you’re left with nothing but wishful thinking and smiles. The slight reprieve from a lonely existence, but just enough hope to see that you’re missing. Something? Nothing?
(Dick, you’re missing dick ffs).
That responsibility… no, honor. That is for you to dole out, to bestow. That is love. To show the parts that are inconvenient, broken, misplaced… not with the expectation, but the hope they’ll replace… the void you call “hole”.
The hurt and the sorrow, you’ll never feel the same.
Do we need to feel the same?
Do we value more beyond a simple embrace?
Do we falsely believe our lives are all fate?
It’s dick. I swear to god.
Thanks for reading my half-assed poem.
All jokes aside. I haven’t felt the need to vocalize these 3am thoughts… for months really.
They’re just that. Words that rarely translate into action.
Nothing profound. We’ve all questioned the love we receive. Comparing and contrasting this abstract idea that makes us feel like said love is wrong, imperfect, necessary.
Ultimately trying to find power in action. A note… that becomes a doc… that becomes a blog post…
The steps seem so simple, yet the fear of being vulnerable has postponed me for months.
Even at my worst, I seek purpose and understanding. The inescapable feeling to fail and fail and fail and smile and fail again because a step in the wrong direction is still a step anywhere.
Stagnation… feels like willful ignorance, an inactive protest to knowledge.
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